Zen and the Art of Using Chopsticks...

...left handed!

That's right, left handed! But I will get to that later. It has been a pretty slow week, and there isn’t a whole lot to report. This post is kinda like one of those clip episodes of a series. The crew and cast are on vacation, so the writers just slap together a buncha the old stuff. Well this post won’t be a casserole of my old posts, but it will be a ‘filler’ post. Still I hope you find it interesting.

Chopsticks. Ohashi, in Japanese. There are a few differences between the various chopsticks of Asian countries. Chinese chopsticks are probably what most people are familiar with. They are long, usually a beige plastic, and are square in the handle and round off slightly towards the tips. Chinese chopsticks are flat (blunt) nosed, and do not taper. I have been told that in China that the higher up you hold the chopsticks the more status you command. Needless to say, after hearing that I started holding my chopsticks as far up as I could. It is actually much more difficult that one would think.

The next chopsticks I will examine are Korean chopsticks. Korean’s have made some wonderful advancements in chopstick technology (and lets keep in mind this is ancient technology). As in China your chopsticks are paired with at spoon, however the Koreans use a large, long handled metal spoon that resembles a western spoon, more than the Chinese scoopy thing (yes, that is the official name. Google it if you don't believe me!). As well as the spoon being metal, the chopsticks are as well. They don't stain, and they are really easy to clean. Another interesting thing about them is that they are quite flat. Where Chinese chopsticks tend to be a square shape, Korean chopsticks are as flat as most table knives. The coolest (ok, you know how much of a geek I am when I am referring to the cool things about chopsticks) thing about Korean Chopsticks, is that they have an area near the end that is textured with a pattern. There are a few patterns of these textures, and I have personally made the assumption that they vary depending on the type of dish you are eating, be it noodles, rice, noodle soup, etc. This assumption is based on the observations I made while in Korea a few years ago.

Finally, Ohashi: Japanese Chopsticks. The O in Ohashi is actually just a polite thing. Japanese put O in front of certain words when they are being polite or honorific. In spoken Japanese you say Ohashi, in the dictionary you would find them under Hashi. Anyways, I digress. Hashi are quite unique compared to Chinese and Korean chopsticks. Hashi tend to be round from end to end. Sometimes the handle area will be a little squared off, but the majority of Hashi are completely round. Hashi also have the unique feature of being tapered. They come to a rounded point. It is not considered impolite to stab certain hard to eat dishes with the hashi (both mind you) in Japan. The smaller surface area also makes it much easier to cut your food with the Hashi. You are expected to use them to slice large pieces of food. That is an etiquette that is often neglected, but still it is made much more possible by the taper of the chopstick. The other point of note about Hashi is the material. Most household Hashi are lacquered wood. They tend to be quite beautiful, but the lacquer often peals off the tip exposing the wood. This happens even more readily if you do not soak them immediately after eating sticky rice.

Now that we have had a cross-cultural chopstick lesson, let’s get into my personal history with chopsticks.

I learned how to use chopsticks in grade 4. My teacher at Garden City Elementary was Ms. Liu. Now as the name implies she was Chinese. Every year she made it a large unit for her class to throw the Chinese Lunar New Year Celebration…you know Gung Hei Fa Choi, and all that. We decorate the gym, and presented a lion dance, the one where the lion eats your lettuce then ceremonially regurgitates it back at you. The more you catch the more luck you will have in the coming year. Who knew lion puke could be so luck…I wonder if anyone bothered to tell the zoo keepers and vets around the world. They could be cashing in!

Back to the Lunar New Years fest in Grade 4…as well as having the lion dance we also had stations set up in the gym. One of them was learning to write 1-10 in Chinese characters…which low and behold, actually came in handy for me! But the real cash in was the chopstick activity. There were two large trays that contained marbles. Yes, small round slippery marbles. The point of the activity was to use the Chinese chopsticks (the slightly rounded ones made of plastic. Hmm, plastic chopsticks and round marbles…sounds worse than that water torture the Chinese are so renowned for) and move ten marbles from one tray to the other. This is a lot easier said than done, when one has never used chopsticks before and all the instruction that exists is a sheet showing the proper way to hold the chopsticks (on this note I will digress and state that the number of people that don't hold their chopsticks the ‘proper’ way far out number those who do...hmmm, maybe it should just be do it what ever way works Ms. Liu!). Well with some determination, and I’m sure a little cheating I finally had it down.

Seriously, if you can move marbles with chopsticks you have got it down. That was the meagre beginnings of my chopstick-ing career. And here I am in Japan, the land of Ohashi…or Osushi…or Osake…well all of the above I guess. Now, eating sushi, with hashi, while drinking sake, requires a certain amount of skill.

Since I plan on being a Jedi Master of chopsticks, I have recently taken on a new challenge: using chopsticks left handed (all the left handed people sit down and shut up, of course you can use them left handed!). Since I have learned to shift gears left handed, I figured that this is a good challenge to try and work on. I actually started trying this in Vancouver a year or so ago, and I got ok at it…but I wasn’t using chopsticks regularly enough to really master the technique. Everyday at school we get school lunches. They undoubtedly consist of a bowl of soup, a salad of some sort, a main dish (usually meat based), and either rice or bread. Everyday I make it a point of eating at least half my meal with my left. It is actually quite easy if you put your mind to it, and give it a little practice.

The real reason that this all came about, was that I was constantly getting complimented on how well I used my chopsticks. Seriously I think a Gaijin could throw his Ohashi at the food like a spear, and still get complimented on his prowess with chopsticks. Since I found the hollow praise slightly offensive, I decided to show up the Japanese. The first time, I casually, coolly, tossed the chopsticks into my left hand. I then proceeded to eat the rest of my rice with my left. In reality this wasn’t such a huge feat, the rice is really sticky and is the easiest part of the meal to eat that way. That’s how it all started. Since then I have changed lunch class rooms two times, and each time I have been met with the same praise. This last class room, I decided to change it up even more. I ate with my left until it was commented on (no one in Japan uses their chopsticks in their left hand…even the lefties! God forbid being different from the group!) as soon as they asked if I was left handed, I said nope, and proceeded to eat with my right. Needless to say, I am now even more of a hero in my current class!

Well I am all written out for tonight, and frankly, I don't want to think about chopsticks anymore. I hope this instalment was as fun and informative as it was for me to write. If it wasn’t, well go suck a lemon, and then try to use chopsticks left handed (right handed for you damn lefties). When you think you have it down, I am always willing to accept a challenge: 10 marbles, 2 trays, wrong handed. You name the time, I name the place (or you can pay for my plane fare!)

Enjoy the chopsticking! (hahaha, that is something you would read on a Japanese t-shirt!)